song against sex

December 1, 2010, 3:21 am
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Read my friend Oliver’s harrowing true-to-life tale of the adventures that befell him as he strove to mail his yadaletters.

Here’s an exerpt:

I had to sprout wings, which is a painful process, and fly across the border. There were gunmen shooting at me and there were bombs being shot at me. I ended up taking a bullet in the wing and one in the leg. No bombs managed to hit me. I limped through a deep, dark forest filled with dangerous animals and waded through a river swimming with piranhas. I got chewed up but luckily I taste very bitter so the damage was minimal.

So, I’m now I’m soaking wet with water and blood. I’ve got a hole in my wing and leg. I’ve been bitten by piranhas. You’d think it couldn’t get any worse, right? Well, for some unfathomable reason there are mountains across the river. Who knew they could fit all this in a little country town? Anyways, this mountain is frickin’ huge. There are no paths so I have to stumble around trying to find my way. It’s getting dark now. Sadly, I’m unable to fly anymore. My wings are beyond repair.

I hobble a little ways up the mountain and stop. Is- is that a mountain lion? I think to myself. Well, it looks like one. So I stay still and hope it’ll go away. I can’t run anywhere as I’m surrounded by trees and have a hole in my leg. I just stand there as it comes closer and closer. Its yellow eyes stare at me hungrily and then it attacks. My blood is too bitter for even the mountain lion, though. After a few nibbles and one big bite, it leaves me alone.
I begin my trek across the mountain. It’s very slow going and it’s getting dark. I’m so cold. The blood won’t stop flowing so I rip up my jacket and tie up my wounds. I’m feeling a little light headed by now but I can’t rest. I have letters to send!

READ THE REST. It’s dedicated to me!