song against sex


You went all Zaboo on my Codex there :|

To whom it may concern:

It really bothers me how you think it’s funny when I get mad at something I believe is injustice, and how you never take me seriously, and how you accuse me of being asexual because I’m repressing my desire for you. Using asexuality as a CRUTCH?! Get over yourself.

So you’ll out me as non-hetero in an unsupportive environment, say you “don’t want to preach to me,” then offer sage advice like…

  • “It could be sisterly love.”
  • Maybe it’s your “sheltered life with just work or school all time.”
  • “Maybe you just need to spend more time with the Lord.”
  • Maybe it’s “a lack of social interaction.”
  • “It could be a mental thing.”

Oh yeah, I see how it works.

Too bad. We’re not the same person. Don’t think we are.

Bye. I can’t promise we’ll talk much anymore.



pretty impressive, i’d say.
August 25, 2010, 1:25 am
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Russ: Also, I love the fact that since you’ve discovered you[r] Ace-ness, our conversations have gotten progressively more provocative.
Me: hahahahhahah yes i’ve noticed that as well. it appears that i’m much more comfortable with sexuality in other people now that i know what the heck is going on.
Me: i can even watch movies like sunshine cleaning!
Russ: xDDDDD
Me: and PRETTY WOMAN. really now.



O, the depths to which I stoop when unable to submerge myself in literature
July 21, 2010, 10:31 pm
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How to ruin your monitor in two easy steps

I love us.



“Asexual Dating Vs. Just Friends – Defining the Difference to a Sexual World”
April 8, 2010, 1:12 am
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Asking sexual people to understand asexual dating resembles asking fish to understand breathing air: after amazing mental contortions, ultimate rejection. Sexual thinking insists asexual dating equals Just Friends. By that logic, sexual romantic relationships equal Friends with Benefits, an equivalence sexual people reject. That is, similarities in physical expression provide thin cover for vast differences in other key relationship factors, as in asexual dating vs. Just Friends.

Factors common to good relationships, according to Crookes & Baur in Our Sexuality, include trust, togetherness, expressiveness, staying power, security, laughter, support, physical affection, personal growth, and respect. Sexual dating encompasses more than sexual intimacy, as asexual dating encompasses more than avoiding it. Convincing sexual minds to view relationships sex-neutrally differentiates asexual dating from Just Friends based on these factors.

Trust: Asexual dating requires a level of trust far exceeding Just Friends. Asexuals desire partners with whom to share themselves completely, while tolerating lower levels of trustworthiness amongst Just Friends. Sharing something as ‘weird’ as not desiring sex necessitates ultimate trust in asexual dating.

Togetherness: Asexual dating stems from a wish to pair up; to be part of a socially accepted duo. Just Friends find this almost impossible, lacking the necessary exclusivity.

Expressiveness: Asexual dating renders partners freer to express their needs, wants, and desires to each other. Just Friends reserve full expressiveness for romantic partners.

Staying Power: Just Friends cannot match asexual dating in terms of staying power simply due to their less exclusive nature. Staying power requires commitment levels which Just Friends reserve for romantic relationships; in asexual dating, this is the romantic relationship

Support: Mutual support offers assurance someone’s on your side. Asexual dating fosters this more than other relationship types due to society’s lack of acceptance and the cultural message that something is ‘wrong’ with not desiring sex.

Physical Affection: Note that Crooks & Baur did not phrase it “sexual intimacy”. Asexual dating often includes physical affection such as cuddling, massages, handholding, and other non-sexual touch. Though sex is universally undesired, many in asexual dating situations find non-sexual touch fulfilling.

Personal Growth: While Just Friends allows multiple relationships diluting the effect, asexual dating’s typically limited to one. Each partner benefits from the other’s undivided attention, facilitating the personal growth of both.

Laughter, Security, and Respect: All relationships require equivalent levels of each. Whether sexual dating, asexual dating, or Just Friends, people must respect boundaries and avoid taking each other for granted; must feel the relationship will last; and must use humor to keep perspective.

So, is sexuality so all-powerful it defines relationships single-handedly? Equating asexual dating with Just Friends demeans emotional factors solely in favor of physical acts. Naming asexual dating “Just Friends” is pejorative. It translates: “less important simply because it lacks sex.” Consequently, Just Friends is an inaccurate assessment of asexual partners’ importance to one another. Sexual intimacy fails as the sole deciding factor in a romantic relationship’s legitimacy.

Resources:

Relationship Factors, University of San Diego

The Top Ten Responses to Asexuality, Asexual Visibility & Education Network

Crooks, R. & Baur, K. (2005) Our Sexuality. 9th edition, Wadsworth.

[viaby Judith Culpepper]

Well, that’s just lovely and all, but personally I don’t think it’s complicated enough to warrant an article like this. (That’s not to say it isn’t needed!) Why wouldn’t we be able to fall in love or experience romantic attraction?