song against sex


Day 8: What do you think the closet or being closeted means to you?
June 30, 2010, 11:49 pm
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Closets are for hiding, for repression, for secrets, for smothering. Closets are dark and lacking in fresh air. Closets are said to be full of monsters. And moths. Closets are for making out in, not for living in. I’m a much bigger fan of living out in the open where you can breathe fresh air and share the sunlight with your fellow human beings.

You can read the full challenge here on Fuck Yeah LGBT. :)

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Day 7: How your parents took it or how you think they might take it

I haven’t told them and I’m not planning on it anytime soon. It’d be nice to have someone close to home who understands me, but at this point I’m not holding my breath.

  • My mother was bitching one day about a young bride who dared to wear jean shorts to her wedding reception, and I was in a pretty mellow mood so I simply said, “To each her own.” She then shot me the dirtiest look I can ever remember getting from her, and she said, “Well, I certainly hope YOU don’t plan on dressing like that for YOUR wedding reception!” Still mellow, still chill, I said, “Yeah, well, I don’t think I want to get married anyway, so you don’t have to worry about it.” She just about hit the roof.
  • My father found the link to this blog on my Facebook one night and barged into my room the next morning to wake me up and demand that I take it down. The link, that is. Thankfully he didn’t realize it’s my blog. Even though it has my name all over it, yeah. I believe his exact words were, “You need to take that asexual website down today. I was reading on it and it was pretty gross. You might agree with some of the things on there, but I found some things on there that NO ONE in this family would approve of. So take it down, or you’ll lose your internet privileges.” WTF.

You can read the full challenge here on Fuck Yeah LGBT. :)



Day 6: Did you face any problems regarding religion?
June 28, 2010, 11:30 pm
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Some people really, really take Genesis 9.7 to heart. [“As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.”] Some people, including the Pope, apparently, have a problem with individuals choosing to neglect their “God-given sexuality.” Ironically, most of these people are also the first to condemn people who express their sexuality in ways they don’t personally approve.

Anyway, while I’ve had someone tell me that I’m “unnatural” and “against God” because I’m not attracted to anyone and uninterested in sex, we aces haven’t got it nearly as bad as some other minority orientations out there. I mean, we’re still allowed to marry, at least half the time.

You can read the full challenge here on Fuck Yeah LGBT. :)



Day 5: Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; Did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?
June 27, 2010, 11:23 pm
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Well, a reaction asexuals tend to get a lot is that we must be repressed. Something bad must have happened to us when we were tiny, and we’re repressing our sexuality to avoid dealing with it. While that’s true in some cases [of the human experience—it has nothing to do with your little blip on the sexuality spectrum], I know that I personally felt repressed before I discovered asexuality as an orientation. I knew I wasn’t having these experiences that were supposed to be normal, these experiences that all of my friends were having. I tried to make myself have fantasies or some kind of drive. When I learned it’s legit, there are more aces out there, and we’re not insane, I felt much more comfortable with myself. I don’t deny part of myself anymore. So the inner turmoil: It was there, I went through phases of being troubled about it—although never anywhere near that level; but it completely vanished the weekend I Googled “asexuality.”

You can read the full challenge here on Fuck Yeah LGBT. :)




Day 4: The first person you came out to and that story
June 26, 2010, 11:08 pm
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Like I said yesterday, the first time I used the word “asexual” in reference to myself was in conversation with a friend on a weekend vacation, although I don’t really consider that a coming-out experience, since it was brand new for myself. So, moving on:

I came out to a group of internet friends I’m really close with..we’ve known each other for sevenish years and tell each other everything. One girl said, “WHYYY? How can you know you’re asexual if you haven’t even tried it? If you try it you might like it!” and so on and so forth. Another friend was like, “So what! So she’s not horny like you! She’s a rational person!” Made me laugh. To this day my asexuality’s a huge source of humor to our group. :)

If you mean actual, in-person experiences: More recently I came out to some coworkers because they’re all sex-crazed and they kept trying to get me to join in their fun. I’m quite tolerant, but when someone tries to include me in these goings-on, I have to nip that shit in the bud. One kid started telling people I must be freaky [I asked him to clarify what he meant, haha] so I just told him. He immediately said, “SO YOU REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY.” < Probably THE single most common reaction. I explained the difference between human and botanical asexuality and the difference between sexual orientation/attraction and reproduction, and then the other guy butted in with, “NO NO NO, over there you just said that guy* was pretty!” So then I had to explain that I think a lot of people are aesthetically beautiful, but that doesn’t mean I want to bang them. Haha, I asked if he always experienced physical and sexual attraction in conjuction, and you could literally see the little lightbulb go on.

*Adam Lambert of course

You can read the full challenge here on Fuck Yeah LGBT. :)



Day 3: How old were you when you knew? What was that like for you?
June 25, 2010, 11:01 pm
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I was nineteen when I half-jokingly used the word in an attempt to gain understanding from a friend. She didn’t understand [I suppose I could have made it easier for her, had I not LIKENED MYSELF TO AN AMOEBA, but what the hell, it was all experimentation at that stage], but for me the lights were suddenly turning on faster than, I don’t know, machine gun bullets. Mixed metaphor, ha! But it’s late at night and I don’t feel like being coherent!

At the time we were on a weekend trip to some conference or other. I remember the first thing I did when I got home was stake out some quality Google time for myself. I was ecstatic to learn that there actually are asexual people and that everything they were saying was making a shitload of sense to me. It was a relief, honestly, to learn that I wasn’t “doing it wrong.” Not that I was doing it. You understand.

You can read the full challenge here on Fuck Yeah LGBT. :)



Day 2: Did you have any experiences as a child that might have foreshadowed your sexuality?
  • When I was five or six, people would ask me if I wanted to get married [speaking of, wtf!] and I’d consistently answer that I wanted to adopt twelve kids—six girls, six boys—but I didn’t want to get married.
  • When I was twelve, my grandmother attempted to give me “the talk,” but I was extremely uncomfortable and so unresponsive that she gave up. At one point, when I said I “didn’t know” the answer to a question, she got mad and said, “Who would know, Peter Pan?!” Haha.
  • During a game of Truth or Dare at a sleepover with two friends, the inevitable “fantasy” question came up. All of us were supposed to share, so I elected to go last, to give me more time to think something up. ;) The entire time my friends were describing “the farthest they had ever imagined themselves going with a boy,” I think, my mind was racing trying to come up with something they hadn’t already said. I failed miserably. I think I ended up saying something about kissing a boy, which ironically is the honest answer to that question. They were a bit offended!

You can read the full challenge here on Fuck Yeah LGBT. :)