song against sex


You people have such dirty minds! Hahaha.
April 30, 2010, 1:19 pm
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Her: =o
Me: That face makes me laugh
Her: Why? because it’s quite sexual?
Me: ……………..It’s sexual? Haha.
Me: Please translate!
(she idles)
Me: Mlle, I am seriously lost.
Her: xDD
Her: =o
Her: Does that conjure up any images of
Her: say
Her: third base?
Me: WHAT’S THIRD BASE?
Her: XDDDD
Her: sucky sucky
Her: licky licky
Me: Okay, no, I can safely say it conjures up no images of sucky sucky licky licky.
Me: But now I’m laughing more.
Her: XDD
Her: wow.

In Talialand, this emoticon is nothing more than a sideways superstartled face.

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The AVENites are already planning a disco dance party in honor of this video.
April 22, 2010, 1:22 am
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“It could probably be argued that asexuals (those with no interest in sex) are better off than the rest of us. Nevertheless, in the early 1960s Swiss parents would send their sons to a clinic to be ‘cured’ of the malady…of course to no avail.”

PS, the young NEUTER? Really?



ALERT: Fundie on the loose!
April 11, 2010, 8:17 pm
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Soooo a guy I know (already a very “manly” kind of guy–if he has more masculinity to share with the world, I honestly don’t know where he’s going to keep it all) posted this on Facebook: “I’m releasing the lion that the world told me to keep caged… I refuse to calculate and avoid risks, I denounce the life of security and safety, I will no longer apologize for my masculinity… For my very nature. I seek the wild and unknown. Like the lion groans for freedom every night, so to does a man’s heart!”

Personally I’m not big on traditional gender roles, but I AM big on people being themselves. If an individual feels more “masculine” or “feminine” (according to society’s definitions) then bully for them. This, though, isn’t just a person accepting himself and his gender identity; it hits me as an open declaration of aggression and domination of his biological sex over mine.

So then I posted (a bit passive-aggressively, I’ll admit) that I would no longer apologize for my androgyny. He commented back:

“…And you shouldn’t have to apologize for whatever disease or fungus or whatever you say you have, Talia. Just get it taken care of and save us the details! :p”

Okay, yeah, thanks.



“Asexual Dating Vs. Just Friends – Defining the Difference to a Sexual World”
April 8, 2010, 1:12 am
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Asking sexual people to understand asexual dating resembles asking fish to understand breathing air: after amazing mental contortions, ultimate rejection. Sexual thinking insists asexual dating equals Just Friends. By that logic, sexual romantic relationships equal Friends with Benefits, an equivalence sexual people reject. That is, similarities in physical expression provide thin cover for vast differences in other key relationship factors, as in asexual dating vs. Just Friends.

Factors common to good relationships, according to Crookes & Baur in Our Sexuality, include trust, togetherness, expressiveness, staying power, security, laughter, support, physical affection, personal growth, and respect. Sexual dating encompasses more than sexual intimacy, as asexual dating encompasses more than avoiding it. Convincing sexual minds to view relationships sex-neutrally differentiates asexual dating from Just Friends based on these factors.

Trust: Asexual dating requires a level of trust far exceeding Just Friends. Asexuals desire partners with whom to share themselves completely, while tolerating lower levels of trustworthiness amongst Just Friends. Sharing something as ‘weird’ as not desiring sex necessitates ultimate trust in asexual dating.

Togetherness: Asexual dating stems from a wish to pair up; to be part of a socially accepted duo. Just Friends find this almost impossible, lacking the necessary exclusivity.

Expressiveness: Asexual dating renders partners freer to express their needs, wants, and desires to each other. Just Friends reserve full expressiveness for romantic partners.

Staying Power: Just Friends cannot match asexual dating in terms of staying power simply due to their less exclusive nature. Staying power requires commitment levels which Just Friends reserve for romantic relationships; in asexual dating, this is the romantic relationship

Support: Mutual support offers assurance someone’s on your side. Asexual dating fosters this more than other relationship types due to society’s lack of acceptance and the cultural message that something is ‘wrong’ with not desiring sex.

Physical Affection: Note that Crooks & Baur did not phrase it “sexual intimacy”. Asexual dating often includes physical affection such as cuddling, massages, handholding, and other non-sexual touch. Though sex is universally undesired, many in asexual dating situations find non-sexual touch fulfilling.

Personal Growth: While Just Friends allows multiple relationships diluting the effect, asexual dating’s typically limited to one. Each partner benefits from the other’s undivided attention, facilitating the personal growth of both.

Laughter, Security, and Respect: All relationships require equivalent levels of each. Whether sexual dating, asexual dating, or Just Friends, people must respect boundaries and avoid taking each other for granted; must feel the relationship will last; and must use humor to keep perspective.

So, is sexuality so all-powerful it defines relationships single-handedly? Equating asexual dating with Just Friends demeans emotional factors solely in favor of physical acts. Naming asexual dating “Just Friends” is pejorative. It translates: “less important simply because it lacks sex.” Consequently, Just Friends is an inaccurate assessment of asexual partners’ importance to one another. Sexual intimacy fails as the sole deciding factor in a romantic relationship’s legitimacy.

Resources:

Relationship Factors, University of San Diego

The Top Ten Responses to Asexuality, Asexual Visibility & Education Network

Crooks, R. & Baur, K. (2005) Our Sexuality. 9th edition, Wadsworth.

[viaby Judith Culpepper]

Well, that’s just lovely and all, but personally I don’t think it’s complicated enough to warrant an article like this. (That’s not to say it isn’t needed!) Why wouldn’t we be able to fall in love or experience romantic attraction?



Coming out is hard to do.
April 1, 2010, 4:33 am
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[/Neil Sedaka]

The first (okay, the only) time I told someone, in person, that I thought I might be asexual, she looked at me like I’d just fell through the ceiling from Mars. That was over two years ago.

The next time I spoke up, it was to what you would probably call my internet friends. I love them dearly. They love me dearly. They don’t feel like “internet friends” to me. We’ve known and loved each other for years. They were curious and incredulous (“what?! you don’t think sex is fun?!”), but they never made me feel invalidated or somehow ashamed of myself. I’ve never been sorry I told them.

Yesterday, asexuality came up in the conversation with a friend, and I identified myself as such. On Facebook chat, so at least I got to keep myself to myself as the discussion progressed…Initially, he said, “Have fun with that :) although, I’m not sure how you could XD kidding!” Moments later, when I lamented a missed encounter (so says Craigslist), I said I comforted myself with the probability that this missed-encounter fellow is a fan of sex anyway, therefore we’d be incompatible. The friend goes: “(sigh) that’s not a belief I’m fully in support of…”

Me: “specify.”

“I don’t believe in asexuality”

“but how can you not? i mean why is that hard to accept?”

“I dunno, it seems to go against God and nature, but I’m not one to judge”

“there are asexual animals even. there’s a whole species of ants with no males whatsoever; they reproduce by cloning. not many animals, granted, but not many people either. and i can tell you that it’s my personal nature. “miss awkward” at slumber parties, for sure.”

“But that’s a whole different genetic makeup designed to be asexual*, and there are a good amount of species like that, as well as those who can change gender when needed, but humans themselves are not designed for such
To put it bluntly, Tab A goes in Slot B”

“if people can accept that there are people with high levels of interest ranging to people with low levels of interest, i don’t see why it’s hard to accept that there can be people with none at all. it’s a bell curve for a reason.
and quite honestly, that grosses me out. i’m not kidding.”

“I’m not saying I can’t accept it!”

“haha you just said you don’t believe it!”

“You always attack when I defend both sides…I said I don’t believe IN it”

“i’m not attacking anyone!”

“you’re arguing with me, when I’m just defending/explaining both sides!”

“i don’t really see any ‘both sides’. i apologize, i’m really not being argumentative. mayhap it’s the translation through the internet? um..”

“I’m just making sure both sides get equal representation, I could honestly care less (shrug)”

“ummmm okay.”

=                =                =                =              =

So thank you, “friend,” for making me feel like crap last night. I appreciated it SO much. I don’t know why I even apologized to you, since I actually wasn’t arguing or trying to push some kind of “agenda” on you. I don’t see “two sides” to this “issue,” and actually the longer you went on, the more offended I became. Something I was born with is anti-God and against nature? Oh, but thank you for being SO slow to judge! Dodging my questions with personal attacks, how pleasant of you. But I think the worst thing you said was also the last: “I could honestly care less (shrug)”Umm, yeah, that was pretty obvious by the utterly insensitive (and quite frankly, RUDE) way you spoke to me. I suppose I could understand this a little more had we been talking about, say, homosexuality–something that doesn’t affect either one of us directly, with respect to our own orientations–I’m pretty certain our feelings on this matter as well are very different, but I can imagine this conversation in a context where you automatically assume that I agree with you that homosexuality is “wrong.” You become defensive when I don’t back you up, and then you shrug off the whole deal because hey, it’s nothing to you. And in a way, it would be nothing tome. Except, you know, how much I love humanity, and that includes the gay people. I’ve known plenty of people like this. I wouldn’t have been the least surprised, although I would have been disappointed in you. I just can’t believe you’d say something like this directly to the person in question.

So, thanks. I guess. In a Groucho Marx kind of way. It’s okay, I got the memo, don’t worry. I will definitely not attempt to share this important aspect of myself with any of my “church friends” for quite some time. Or really, a better way to say it would be: I’ll make sure to actively suppress this important aspect of myself, to purposely hide myself from my friends. Then I can feel even more isolated! Yay! I’ve had enough judgement to last me a while.

In other words, in case you haven’t got it by now: You suck. Regardless of your opinions, you suck at friendship.

*There are also animals–just random animals, you know, rats, sheep–who appear to be asexual. Certain individuals repeatedly shun sexual activity with fellow members of their species, hetero- OR homo-. Look it up.

Originally published September 22, 2009



Note: The girl is not an amoeba.

A few weeks ago, I was walking down the hall at my college, eating a banana* and wearing a crown** I’d made a few days before. I swear I was minding my own business. Suddenly this voice behind me shouted, “Excuse me! Stop! You! Miss with the banana!” And since that was clearly me, I looked to see who was hollering at me. It was a guy I’d never seen before; he was talking like a robot and he said he wanted to buy some crowns from me for his little nieces. Okay. Lovely. He then proceeded to invite himself to hang out with me and ask me personal questions like, “So what’s your ideal man?” (!!!) And here was I, trying to figure out how to extricate myself from this situation gone awry while remaining polite and professional.

So when this fellow asked me out (yes–ten minutes after meeting me) and wondered aloud what my romantic fantasies were, I declined and dodged with a simple, “Oh, no, I’m sorry–I’m asexual, but thanks for asking.” He immediately responded with a smirk and a joke about me impregnating myself and splitting in two.

Sir, I have just one thing to say: Poor form. Like that’s going to make me want to go grab a coffee with you? I don’t even like coffee.

*A friend later pointed out that props, ESPECIALLY bananas, always intensify the awkwardness of any pick-up scene. Hadn’t even occurred to me, but oh my, was she ever right!

**Reversible and adjusts to any head size! One side has castles and rainbows and shooting stars; the other is a super iridescent purple. And no, it wasn’t my birthday, and no, I’m not three.