oh my god i needed it this morning i love you.
look at all these people liking it and reblogging it who don’t even know who we are
I don’t know anything and I thought I did but I don’t and why why why do I have to be Jude AND Sue AND Anna all at the same time?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: coming out, music, myself, sexual orientation
..I think I didn’t publish it because I was afraid it would be seen by the wrong people. This is from September ’10.
I JUST NOW figured out what this song means. After seven years.
XD And now I’m really excited, becaaaaause.
I used to identify with it because of the Earth Day reference.
Now I have another reason.
While I don’t identify as transgender, I’ve always felt more androgynous than either male or female. When puberty hit, it was like my whole life was ruined; coupled with misogyny from my family’s religious expression, the extreme discomfort caused by being trapped in my own body was a huge contributor to depression throughout my teens. I’ve recently begun identifying as yada, or transyada, partially as an acknowledgment that I’m not exactly cis, even though I don’t have everything figured out yet and I don’t think I fit in the usual understanding of trans experiences.
My first exposure as a youngster to binding (re: Mulan and flappers) left me insanely jealous of people who bound, but oddly it was ages before it occurred to me that I could do it myself. Binding is extremely liberating for me. At this point, I’d rather bind my whole life than undergo top surgery (although that could change)–it feels like reclaiming something that was stolen me.
I keep reading all these horror stories about injuries caused by ace bandages, but that’s all I have. I’m currently using ace bandages + sports bras, and while it gave me no problems at first, it’s been growing more painful. It would mean the world to me to not have to choose between a body in which I’m confident and feel like myself, and a body that’s undamaged.
That ^ is from back when I submitted my app to transcircle.org, before they posted that they were overwhelmed and understaffed and that the answer to everybody was No.
BUT I’M ORDERING THEM SOON, SO YAY~
Also, I’ve pretty much decided that someday when I have a ~Real Job~, I’d really like to figure out a way to help other kids in need of binders. I’ve not only experienced the frustration myself, but I’ve made so many friends with various gender identities, many of whom share similar dysphoria and other Issues, and I know there are others out there. These situations are too common, and I want to be part of the movement to turn that shit around and make the world a safe, welcoming place for people who are different.
I feel like this: